It’s Friday afternoon. The weekend is just a few hours away. After another busy week, you can’t wait to relax with your family, get a few chores done, and possibly have some friends over for dinner one night. You text your spouse to see what you should pick up from the grocery store for said dinner, but you’re caught off guard by their response: “What dinner? We can’t have people over, we’re starting the downstairs bathroom remodel this weekend, remember?”
Uh-oh. You rack your brain trying to figure out how the wires got crossed. You swear you talked about having friends over…didn’t you? Plus, you weren’t planning on starting the bathroom for at least another few weeks. You sense an argument brewing… not a great way to start the weekend.
Can you relate to this scenario? Perhaps you know from firsthand experience that weekend fights can be a major bummer. So let’s explore four common weekend arguments – and how you can prevent them.
1. Over-scheduling
For one of you, the weekend is some much-needed time to hunker down at home and recharge. For the other, it’s a chance to make up for all the fun social things you didn’t have time for during the week. And that’s piled on top of all the kids activities you’ve both committed to. There are multiple factors that can go into this one. It might be personality differences – one of you is an introvert and the other is an extrovert, and your varying needs for social interaction means very different ideas of what ideal plans look like. Or perhaps one or both of you struggles with saying no, and every invite and opportunity ends up on the calendar. No matter the specifics, an over-scheduled weekend can lead to feeling burnt out and cranky with each other.
2. Chores vs. chill
One of you plans on tackling that mile-long to-do list this weekend (and you want your spouse’s help), while the other has adopted more of an “it can wait” mindset. Where do you go from here? Perhaps one of you will give in to the other’s wishes, or you’ll go about your plans separately, or some combination of both. You might be able to go on to have a perfectly peaceful weekend. Or you may find yourselves in an argument and end up with a cloud of annoyance and resentment hanging over you no matter which way you end up spending it.
3. Sunday night blues
The end of the weekend rolls around and you’re in a bad mood. The weekend just didn’t shape up how you envisioned it. You’d wanted to go out for brunch, meal plan and grocery shop for the week, and have some nice time to yourself, but none of that happened, for one reason or another. Now the weekend is practically over, you’re feeling crabby, and you’re taking it out on your spouse.
4. Communication failure
A common thread running through all of these arguments is a lack of communication, whether that involves forgetting to tell each other about plans that involve one or both of you, forgetting to confirm tentative plans with each other, or simply not communicating the plans you’ve made in your head (your expectations). When it’s time for those plans to actually happen, everything comes crashing down: one or both of you are hearing about these “plans” for what seems like first time, and/or it’s in directly conflict with what the other persons thought was happening this weekend. You both end up annoyed.
The fix
While it’s not the end of the world to have an argument with your spouse on the weekend, it’s not ideal either. Luckily, there is a simple way to prevent it: have a pre-weekend check in. Prior to the weekend (maybe the same time every week to help you be consistent), have a chat with your spouse about what you’ve got in mind for the weekend. You might bring up or confirm plans, share a “wish list” of things you’d like to do, or prioritize the things you’d like to complete. This gives you a chance to get on the same page, helping you avoid any miscommunications – and any conflicts that might ensue because of it.
