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The Four Horseman

This is your reminder to banish the Four Horsemen in your relationship if they’ve started to creep back in. Here’s a refresher of each of The Four Horsemen and their antidotes:

1. Criticism: Verbally attacking personality or character.

Antidote: Soft Start-Up: Talk about your feelings using "I" statements and express a positive need.

2. Contempt: Attacking sense of self with intent to insult or assuming a position of moral superiority.

Antidote: Build Culture of Appreciation: Remind yourself of your partner's positive qualities and find gratitude for positive actions.

3. Defensiveness: Victimizing yourself to ward off a perceived attack and reverse the blame.

Antidote: Accept Responsibility: Accept your partner's perspective and offer an apology for any wrongdoing.

4. Stonewalling: Withdrawing to avoid conflict to convey disapproval, distance, and separation.

Antidote: Physiological Self-Soothing: Take a break and spend that time doing something soothing and distracting.

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