This is your reminder to banish the Four Horsemen in your relationship if they’ve started to creep back in. Here’s a refresher of each of The Four Horsemen and their antidotes:
1. Criticism: Verbally attacking personality or character.
Antidote: Soft Start-Up: Talk about your feelings using "I" statements and express a positive need.
2. Contempt: Attacking sense of self with intent to insult or assuming a position of moral superiority.
Antidote: Build Culture of Appreciation: Remind yourself of your partner's positive qualities and find gratitude for positive actions.
3. Defensiveness: Victimizing yourself to ward off a perceived attack and reverse the blame.
Antidote: Accept Responsibility: Accept your partner's perspective and offer an apology for any wrongdoing.
4. Stonewalling: Withdrawing to avoid conflict to convey disapproval, distance, and separation.
Antidote: Physiological Self-Soothing: Take a break and spend that time doing something soothing and distracting.