The best advice I can give when trying to deal with a person you love more than anything in this world, but whose entire being is being controlled by chemicals is contained in the following ten points.
Do not try to rationalize with a drug brain, you will never win. You would make more progress by beating your head against the wall.
Do not state the obvious, you need a job, you will never amount to anything, you are throwing your life away, etc. Remember job equals money equals drugs. Get them clean first, then the job will come.
When the addict tries to pick a fight and tell you every wrong thing you ever did, do not respond and most importantly do not believe it. It is what I call the drug game, pick a fight, say bad things, you respond, it escalates, they get angry and leave, they use more drugs. I used to sing songs in my head or just stare at her blankly like she was speaking a foreign language, or say I know what you are trying to do and you can’t hurt me or suck me in. They stop really fast when you do not play. If I thought I was going to be provoked, I would wipe my hand across my mouth and that motion kept me quiet.
If they use the child as manipulation, take the power back by calling CPS or serving them with guardian papers. It stops them cold in their tracks.
If they yell at you on the phone, tell them you love them, and when they can stop yelling call back, then hang up.
Do not be guilted into giving them money for food. The hard, cold truth is addicts rarely need food. Just tell yourself if they can get money for drugs, they can get money for food.
Addicts smell fear or weakness and take advantage of it. Look them straight in the eye, never look away, never show fear. They know your biggest fear is that you think you are a bad Mom. Tell them when you know better you do better….and now you know better.
Do not make threats you do not intend to keep. Do not say I am going to kick you out if you do not mean it.
Really listen to them. Let them talk without judgment. Tell them they can tell you anything and you will still love them no matter how horrible it is. Let them know you no longer intend to fight. You plan to change the paradigm because what you were doing didn’t work.
End every conversation with, I love you no matter what. You never know when it will be your last conversation.