Do you feel disconnected from your partner? Does your partner ignore your needs? Do they brush off the things you care about? If so, your partner may be turning away from your bids for connection, depleting your Emotional Bank Account.
When you turn toward your partner’s bids for connection, you are making a deposit in your Emotional Bank Account, and when you turn away from your partner, you make a withdrawal. Like a real bank account, you want to avoid a zero or negative balance.
For example, if John was watching TV and Taylor said, “I’d love to go to the park and have a picnic,” John could do one of two things: he could continue watching TV, which would indicate a withdrawal from the Emotional Bank Account by turning away from Taylor, or he could turn off the TV and respond with something like, “What’s the weather like today? Let’s do it,” which would indicate a deposit into the Emotional Bank Account by turning towards Taylor.
When the Emotional Bank Account is negative, partners tend to question each other’s intentions and feel disconnected and lonely. When the Emotional Bank Account is positive, partners tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt during conflict and maintain a positive perspective.
What can you do to make a deposit in your Emotional Bank Account today?