Set aside a time when you can talk to each other without interruption. Some of these questions will be easy and some might be difficult.
Use the general questions either as follow-up questions or to dig a little deeper.
If you find yourself getting upset there is a good chance that something is being triggered inside of you. This means that it is important to you. Are there negative beliefs or filters that are not helping you? If needed, take a 30-minute break and come back to that question.
1. What is your favorite childhood memory?
2. What has been the toughest experience of your life?
3. What is the thing you like best about being a parent? The thing you like the least?
4. What is your favorite memory of the two of us together before we were married?
5. Name two or three things I do for you that brighten your day.
6. What is the best compliment I could give you?
7. What do I do or say that really bugs you?
8. When are you the happiest that you married me?
9. One incident I remember that made me appreciate you more was…
10. Some qualities I most admire in you are…
11. Do I respect and honor you around the children? How about around our friends?
12. How could we improve the way we show love and affection for one another around our kids?
13. Do you consider me an optimist or a pessimist? How do you feel about that?
14. Do I tell you that I love you often enough? Too much? How do I say it without words?
15. Do I ever joke about things you wish I wouldn’t? Do you think I joke at inappropriate times?
16. What do you think we argue about most, big stuff or little stuff?
17. Is my way of doing things too structured? Too spontaneous? How?
18. What can I do to let you know I’m thinking of you?
19. If money and time weren’t an issue, what would you most like to do?
20. If we were to define a goal that would build our bond and bring us closer, what would it be?